When it comes to casual sex, are men and women really that different?
For starters, most people would argue that men and women are different when it comes to sex. But here is the inescapable conclusion I have come to over the years: women want sex as much as men do – however, they require different conditions for casual sex to be appealing.
This has been both my observation and my experience.
Conservative values, and religion specifically has attempted to destroy sexual pleasure for men and women – but it has focused its wrath specifically on female pleasure. Women are whores if they are too sexual. Women are sluts if they explore their deepest sexual desires. These labels have become mental, emotional, and orgasmic prisons for many women – especially when it comes to “casual” sex.
For example, in a landmark study from the 1980’s, when random women were solicited by random men for casual sex – women turned the men down 100 percent of the time. Men on the other hand only turned down random solicitations by women 25 to 31 percent of the time. But the 1980’s were still the dark ages for female sexuality.
Back then, our thinking was stuck in the idea that women were not naturally promiscuous – and so that’s what was being studied. When researchers saw female promiscuity in nature, they just assumed something was wrong with those females.
But what happens when we change the elements of the study ever so slightly – updating it to the realities of current science?
Psychologist Terri Conely explored this question in a groundbreaking 2011 study. She refined the question of casual sex for females by suggesting that a safe, physically attractive random lover had the potential to give her a positive sexual experience. Under these conditions, women were just as likely to accept sex with a random partner as were men.
So what does this mean? It’s taken us two thousand years to understand something that the writers of the bible perhaps understood implicitly – that pleasure drives female sexual behavior – and therefore in order to control female sexuality, it is female pleasure that must be controlled.