Empowering Ourselves to have Better Sex Through Better Communication

  • May 26, 2013

I’m just back from teaching in Toronto where my friends and sex educators Reid Mihalko, Monique Darling and me taught a weekend training on Energy Sex. The weekend was incredible, but I personally had a breakthrough that I want to share about the power of sexual communication.

Another friend and fellow sex educator

approached me during the event and said that she would “love to connect.” I personally had been struggling to find the “right answer” for me to this question. I was explaining this to Reid and he pointed out that there was just one hole in my game that would likely change everything.

This is what I want to share with you today.

Reid said, the correct answer to “I would love to connect” is for me to say, “that sounds awesome, and let’s have a conversation to see if this is really a good fit.”

I’m sure it sounds silly – but for me it was the equivalent of discovering the power of verbs in sentence structure. I kept tripping up on how to respond to these kinds of requests – not wanting to hurt others feelings, yet also not wanting to connect with situations that weren’t beneficial for all of us.

The cool part is that with this small adjustment, everything seemed to flow.

So this time, when the sex educator again asked to “connect”, I immediately responded with, “that sounds awesome, and let’s have a conversation to see if this is really a good fit.” We then walked to a quiet area where we could actually speak and listen, and we were able to discuss what our individual needs and desires were.

For me, this kind of open discussion, that includes the “Safer Sex Elevator Speech” as well as relationship status was liberating for me. In this case it gave us both a chance to negotiate our needs, wants and desires with one another so that we could see if it made sense to play together in some form – which in this case – it seemed to.

It is so freeing to speak openly and directly about our needs, wants and desires. Even she, being a full on sex educator said she was deeply inspired by the quality of our discussion.

We settled on something that would work for both of us – which in this case was sex energy play – and that’s exactly what we did. A good time was had by all, and most importantly, the campsite was left cleaner for both of us then how we found it! To me, that’s a perfect example of empowering ourselves to have better sex through better communication and boundary setting.

So lets continue having a conversation about it!