I want to share a little secret that I have this week. I love my own sexual energy. Really. I totally accept and love it. My sexual energy makes me feel alive. You might even say I’m in love with my own sexual energy. It makes me smile. It makes me happy. It kinda makes me high.
The other night I was in a bar having a burger when the bartender and I began talking. I could tell that she’s a sensual, sexual woman and I was certain that she gets hit on by drunk guys a lot, so we just began talking about that. I was curious how her boyfriend deals with her energy and the attention she receives. She said, “not very well.” The subtext was that she felt totally ashamed of her sensual energy and her desires - and the fact that she gets hit on. She kept talking about being a good person - as if being sensual in anyway is bad.
After a while, I asked her to step outside with me for a moment. I wanted to teach her my little secret. I told her to feel the pure feeling of her own sexual energy for just a moment. The pure sensation of it. No story. No shame. “Just giving yourself permission right now to feel the pure energy - without voices, judgement, fear, shame,” I said.
I asked her to listen to her own sexual energy like she listens to a friend in need because - for most all of us - our sexual energy is a friend in need. The kind of listening I’m speaking of is an open, open minded, empathetic listening. One free of the residues of thinking. Just pure feeling. Pure sensation. Openness. Relaxation.
Within about a minute or so, her body began vibrating. In this case I did a simple loop with her. We began feeling in the back of the heart, flowing down the back of the spine, down the back of the legs, down about 10 feet into the earth, back up the front of the legs, flowing through the perineum, g-spot, clitoris, up the belly through the front of the heart, to the throat, forehead, to about a foot above the head, then down the back of the head, back of the spine, back of the heart, completing the loop, and beginning again. the whole loop can be done in a matter of seconds.
It’s a very simple exercise, but within two minutes she was getting high off her own sexual energy. Pure, raw, open, she began to cry, then laugh, then cry some more. “I don’t know what to do with all this energy,” she said. I told her to relax into it, like relaxing into a hot bath.
It’s an honor to feel our own sexual energy in its simplicity - without it being in reference to anybody else. It all comes from you anyway - your brain, your central nervous system, chemistry, your body.
This is exactly how I surf my own sexual energy. I can bring my awareness to it and feel it whenever I want - independent of any one or anything else.
Sex is neither good nor bad, it simply is. Just like electricity or any other natural power, sex is a hugely abundant resource that is to be loved, nurtured, coaxed and honored by ourselves first and foremost and then, if we choose, shared with a partner.
I suggest that we loose the label of good / bad regarding our sexual energy all together since that label - no matter how it’s used - creates shame and guilt, blame and self judgement, especially in comparison to others. You don’t judge your lamp as being a slut because you can turn her on whenever you want and flow electricity through her body. Why not grant yourself the same freedom?