If you've been following my essays, you know that I was 11 years old when I received my first lesson from a tantric master.
Since that time I've been fascinated by the subject of sex, and what goes on in the brain that allows us to connect so deeply.
A long time ago, in a new age book store near Syracuse University, I discovered a dog eared, tantric sex book that really struck me. The exercises were simple, yet profound.
I was waiting for the right person to explore this exciting new territory with - when I met my friend Tatiana - a very open minded Russian girl.
She told me that she had always been curious about "trippy sex."
One evening, we settled into her flat in London. We took a lukewarm British shower, lit candles, and created a cozy love nest for us to play in.
We created an undressing ritual, enjoying the experience of taking one another's clothes off. We looked in each other's eyes by candle light, and enjoyed each other's bodies. Then we lay in her bed, my head at her feet, her head at my feet. The idea of the process was to breath deeply, in sync, but not move or be overtly sexual for an hour.
The exercise was simple. I placed my hand on her belly, and placed her hand on my belly. We breathed, in sync, back and forth, my inhalation to her exhalation and vice versa, as if we were moving a pool of air back and forth between us. We simply focused on sharing the rhythm of our breath and noticing what was happening in our bodies.
I completely lost all sense of time, but at some point, our bodies began to feel as if they were expanding into each other - melding, blending, spinning, tingling, and vibrated. Even writing this now, my body gets warm simply remembering that night.
Inexplicably, and quite suddenly, there was an explosion of erotic energy that can not be fully described. My skin caught fire with pleasure. Our bodies pulsated in a hypnotic rhythm of oneness. We were like two magnets who came a bit too close to one another's field - and with the blink of an eye, instantly lock together.
The evening was a blur of fiery passionate expanded bliss. Our kisses burned into our consciousness the feeling of oneness, connectedness, emptiness, and complete fulfillment - all at once.
I remember the feeling of a thick current of electricity flowing between our lips - like we were kissing fiery galaxies.
This dance went on for hours.
When she finally climaxed, she gushed with nectar, squirting intensely, then laughing, and crying, and laughing some more.
To be honest, in the days afterwords, it really freaked me out. I was afraid of the depths Tatiana and I had gone to together. I didn't really have any kind of reference point to pin the experience onto - I didn't know what it all meant.
Basically, my own fear kept me from returning to this profound territory for years.
Now however, I've had many transformational sexual experiences. In fact, it's something I enjoy cultivating. Back then, I wasn't prepared, so it scared me. Now I love exploring at the deepest levels with my girlfriend.
For me, this kind of sex is nurturing, restorative, healing, loving and free. The idea of confronting my edges, and opening into places and vulnerabilities within myself, is immensely erotic, pleasurable, and ultimately freeing.
This amazing dance of sex, spirituality, and science is my bliss.